My battle with depression and how I kicked its ass!

With so many people in the world battling depression today I felt this story was too important not to share with the world.

Beating depression was the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life. Many years ago I never believed there was an illness called depression, I thought it was just a word people used for someone that was feeling down or couldn’t get there shit together. That was until around the year 2009, when this dreaded illness had taken a strong hold on me. Life’s pressures and my own internal changes sent me on a downward spiral to the point of suicidal depression. I was constantly overcome with negative thoughts that plagued my mind every second of the day.There was no release!

I was stuck in complete darkness, I isolated myself socially and would often spend many days even weeks just laying in bed with no will to even step outside and face the world. I felt like I was dying, like I was old and ageing, like a fruit that was once ripe but had now developed brown spots and wrinkles and was left to decompose like compost into the earth. I felt I was worthless and began to neglect myself and as things became worse I started to turn to drugs and alcohol to escape the pain and hope that one day I would not wake up. To say things were grey would be an understatement.

How did this happen to me?

My life was great, I had a family that loved me dearly and I had experienced many great achievements in my life, performing music in a band around the country and abroad and had great friends that loved and supported me.

But the pressures of life had taken their grip on me, financial strain, failing love relationships and my own ego felt under pressure to fit into a certain stereotype and tick all the boxes one should as they approached 30. All this was starting to tip the scales on my mental state and escapism through substance abuse felt like the only relief. This went on for over a year and never seemed to be getting any better. I’d often plan out my own suicide but thankfully would never take it to the extreme. I became unpleasant to be around and slowly became alone, how could anyone love me, If i couldn’t even love myself?

Things all changed one night when I took a large dose of drugs and admitted myself into hospital, that night while laying in bed with an IV drip in my arm I awoke to some sort of angel, it was like a messenger that gave me some hope and showed me something beautiful, something much more deeper than the experience I had been going through.

I knew when I awoke the next morning I had to take massive action! I needed extreme change! So the next day I left my residence in the city and moved to an Ashram, a spiritual centre in the forest for the next few months to start to detoxify and cleans my soul and my spirit.

This was not a quick fix from my depression, It was only the beginning of a long journey that took me to the core of my darkness to face it head on to learn the tools to eventually conquer it completely and stand strong and happy today!

The Ashram showed me a teaching from the East, the witnessing of meditation. It was a journey that may have taken over a year but the consistent effort and strengthening my connection to a higher frequency was able to slowly bring a new awareness to my life that empowered me to shift my thinking and see that all I had created in my mind was an illusion and to finally see the truth. I found my light and shone it on my darkness.

I eventually regenerated my life force and stood strong and proud with Love in my heart for everything around me and most importantly Myself! I began performing music again and took my experiences to the highest highs, I was able to have amazing relationships again and enjoy the experience and connection that as human beings we are capable of experiencing. I travelled to other countries and explored foreign places and till this day feel like my life is only just beginning. The once rotting fruit is now a fresh seed spreading its branches to the sky soaking up all the rays of sunshine and beauty life is sending me.

But how did I do it? How did I really conquer this beast? I want to share with you the Key Ingredients I used to beat my depression.

Step 1. Practice meditation The meditation was the first vital step. Meditation is the art of witnessing. To become a witness and separate yourself completely from your mind. It created an awareness in me that helped me see that my darkness was not a part of me. Do this everyday. I recommend at least 2 x half hour session to start with, as you go deeper with it, increase it to more. Make this your ritual. Osho meditations are great, in particular “Kundalini and Dynamic” as well as sitting in silence. The meditation will result in some of the following steps to become natural.

Step 2. Nutrition The right food to bring yourself out of the darkness. A vegan diet made of mostly raw foods. Food that is non-violent is essential to bringing in lighter energy. Depression feeds on darkness. So eating foods that are violent are only going to continue to feed the darker emotions that exist within you. You are already sensitive and If you consume an animal that has been living in a cage for its entire life, in darkness, in pain , in torture this will only fuel your darker emotions. Eat food that is colourful. Alkalinity is important, which are greener foods to aid purification physically and mentally.

Step 3. Exercise The body needs to move, it needs to stretch. Endorphins will be released, the lymphatic system will be regenerated all that good stuff will start to come in. You will look better and as a result develop more self love and respect for yourself. The list goes on and on.. you know its good for you so go hit the gym, do some yoga,  go running.. now!

Step 4. Niacin This step will be particularly important if you have been using drugs or alcohol in the past. Niacin B3 is a natural vitamin that causes a flushing sensation throughout the body known as a ‘niacin flush’. There needs to be a high level of detoxification performed to inturn hit the reset button on your physical body and clear the path for cellular regeneration. I recommend up to 5000milligrams per day if depression is at its highest. If you want more information on niacin google “Dr Abram Hoffer Niacin”.

Step 5. Experience Nature. Connect yourself with nature, this is so important for our wellbeing. Take off your shoes, connect your feet to the earth whilst the sun is beating down on you. It is your birthright to be in tune with nature and to be in tune with existence. The birds, the flowers, the ocean,  the breeze. Meditate on these things put all your focus on the beauty that surrounds you and watch your inner world transform.

Step 6. Rejoice! Just live the moment with intensity and totality. Live it with as much joy as possible, with as much love as possible, with no fear, no guilt. This existence is yours and this moment is a gift — don’t let it go to waste. Celebrate, Dance. Connect with friends and family. Don’t hold back!

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